Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
