Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
