So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
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