no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
