we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
