I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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