it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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