Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
