2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
BRING THE BAGELS
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
