I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
