Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
