I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
