I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
