Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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