hell yes lets make some ravioli
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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