The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
