i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
