After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
