like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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