Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
