she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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