Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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