I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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