PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
