Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
