i just sent this text using only my big toe
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
