Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
