You were right. It hurts to walk today.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
