I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
