At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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