we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
it glows. i had to have it.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
