I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
