I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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