why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
