it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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