I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I had to cum in my sink.
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