Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
