Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize