i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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