forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
