and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
