I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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