Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize