Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Randomize
