how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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