he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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