dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
