You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
