going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
