Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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