Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
