Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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