my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
