He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
