Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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