It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
