Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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