I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
