Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
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