operation harelip BJ is a go
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
