think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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