i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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