Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
