just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
