i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
