I'm gonna have a badass scar
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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