bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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