she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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