I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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