Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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