The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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