When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
