Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
This baby is an asshole
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
