After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
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