I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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